Ninjas Versus Pirates
by tFantasyFan
Summary: What might become a collection of One Piece meets Naruto ficcage. Various character interaction.
1. Zoro Versus Shikamaru

_Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece or Naruto. Big surprise._

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_Part One. Zoro and Shikamaru._

As a rule of thumb, Roronoa Zoro avoided expressing curiosity in most things. There wasn't much of a point in getting worked up over every little issue, in his opinion; at least, not when there were naps to be had and weights to be lifted. It wasn't like he slept through the most important battles or anything. Just the ones without swords or any other _real_ threat. The ones that Luffy and Sanji and (on rarer occasion) Usopp could handle without supervision. Boring ones. Simply put, if he slept through something, it wasn't worth participating in anyway.

So when he woke up to find that they'd not only pulled into port but acquired several new guests (the most immediately concerning of which seemingly under the impression that it was perfectly normal to horn in on a guy's crow's nest without permission), he decided that chopping said guests up would be overdoing it. Just a tad. Wasn't like just anybody could kick all of their asses off the ship. If this guy and his friends had done something to that effect then they deserved to have it anyway.

They could always find a way to steal another. That line of thought was enough to make him frown. Nami was rubbing off on him.

Something loud and bloody and _horrendously _orange sailed over his head, followed by an equally loud and bloody Luffy. The accompanying explosions weren't powerful enough to be of concern, either. Hell, Luffy'd probably walk out of that fight with a new nakama. God, he hoped not. Not someone so bright-colored. If the other various sounds of pain and fear and conspiracy were anything to go by, they'd be up by quite a few before dinner. Franky would be pissed about all that battle damage, once he was finished doing whatever it was he was doing.

Well if they were all fighting, did that mean that he was supposed to be fighting too?

Zoro cast a scrutinizing look towards the guy lying across from him and held back a snort. Didn't look all that impressive. Head shaped like a pineapple, weird clothes, dull expression- not much of anything. He hadn't even bothered looking back at the pirate- he just kept staring at the sky like he'd rather be anywhere else.

Time to take the initiative. "Who the hell're you?" Yeah, that would do it. Straight to the point. It never failed.

Pineapple-head looked at him, for all intents and purposes appearing half-asleep. Maybe even a little annoyed by the distraction. "Nara Shikamaru."

The swordsman grunted in acknowledgment. "Roronoa Zoro," he offered impartially, more out of courtesy than anything else. This guy would be gone in a few days, tops, likely as not. No real need to get to know him. Of course...he looked back over. "What are you doing in my crow's nest?"

"Watching clouds."

Alright. That wasn't too bad. "Hn."

Luffy and the orange _thing _made another pass over their post and the remnants of a large ball of fire flickered into the corners of his vision. Zoro shrugged it off; he'd seen more impressive.

After another minute or so, the kid sighed. "I think we're supposed to be engaging in some kind of epic battle right about now."

Well, damn. Zoro glanced over halfheartedly. "You a swordsman?"

"Nah."

"Plan on killing anyone in my crew?"

"Tch, too much effort."

"Be a waste of time then." And with that, they went back to their respective activities.

After a few minutes of silence, Shikamaru gestured upwards. "That cloud look like a dog to you?"

"Don't be stupid. It's a sword."

"Whatever."


	2. Franky Versus Rock Lee

_Disclaimer: Still don't own One Piece or Naruto. In my face._

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_Part Two. Franky meets Rock Lee._

"Strong right!"

"Another incredible attack!" His rival cried exuberantly, green jumpsuit flashing as he moved with ease. Franky had to hand it to the kid- he was a damn good fighter. It didn't matter how many attacks he threw at him or how powerful they were; eyebrows always managed to jump out of the way like it was nothing. In his personal opinion, that deserved some damn _respect. _

Respect which could be given after he'd kicked the kid's ass. Ah, this generation knew nothing about appreciating someone else's hard-earned property. Once he'd instilled the proper manners into green-and-fuzzy, there would be nothing in the way of a successful future for him!

Rock Lee, upon noting his adversary's pause, paused himself and struck his personal patented pose of Respectful Appreciation. "Your skills are worthy of much admiration, my opponent! But unfortunately I cannot allow myself to be defeated today! I must prove to my village that a person can become a true ninja without the use of genjutsu or ninjutsu- even if I must forfeit my life to do so!"

It was all finished off with a firm stance and a thumbs up that somehow generated feelings of intense determination and optimism. There was silence for a few moments as the bright flames of youthful passion rescinded into the source of their creation, revealing a shamelessly inspired shipwright in their wake.

"That was beautiful!" He shouted, tears flowing down his face in a manner that could only be described as manly (namely because he would kick the ass of anybody who dared to state otherwise). He didn't know what the hell 'genjutsu' or 'ninjutsu' were, but the gist of it- of overcoming adversity no matter what the odds- was all he really needed to hear. With that decided, he struck _his _patented pose number eleven: that of Wholehearted Compromise. "I've decided that a guy like you is officially too super to fight!"

Lee positively sparkled in his joy. "You really think so?"

"I do! And Franky never lies about an opponent's super-ness! Instead of battling me, you should become one of my brothers!" He pushed his sunglasses up on the bridge of his nose, flashing a grin and igniting his own passionate background of flames. "We can all travel the seas together, taking out any obstacles in our way and accomplishing our dreams!" Said flames died down ever so slightly. "At least, if Captain-bro says it's allowed. But why wouldn't he accept a nakama as strong as you?"

The ninja allowed his own manly tears to fall in a combination of fondness and regret. "I wish that I could join, my friend! But I am already committed to my _own _team, and to Gai-sensei! I cannot turn my back on them!"

Just as quickly as he'd stopped, the cyborg was crying again. "You're so faithful! I respect your decision! Nonetheless, you are officially an honorary member of the Franky Family!" A gigantic arm flung out in a dramatic gesture. "JUMPSUIT-BRO~!"

His new-found friend jumped to salute. "BIG BROTHER FRANKY~!" He responded, throwing an arm in the air in celebration. "Come! Let us prove to the world the fiery power of our youthfulness by leaving the ship and running five hundred laps around the island! LET US GO TOGETHER, INTO THE BEAUTIFUL SUNSET, AND LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT IS OUR LAST!"

"LET'S GO, JUMPSUIT-BRO!"

The two dashed off into the proverbial sunset (as the real thing was still several hours off), shedding tears of manly pride and swearing to accomplish their dreams no matter what.

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_Hells. Yeah._


	3. Nami Versus Tsunade

_Aha. It's a bit later than I'd intended it to be, but here nonetheless. _

_Disclaimer: Checkaroonie.

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_Part Three. Nami meets Tsunade._

The Fifth Hokage's hand hit the table in a gesture of the utmost satisfaction. "Two pairs."

Across from her, the red-haired girl grinned like a cat who'd caught the canary and laid out her hand in turn. "Four of a kind," she said in a disgustingly innocent voice. "You're certainly having a run of back luck today, aren't you? Pay up, Tsunade-sama."

It was the sweet face that had suckered her in, Tsunade decided vehemently, slamming most of her remaining money down. That damn face and that damn smile and she was so _damn _young. No way a girl this young knew how to play a real game of poker, she'd thought, and- well, she had a hell of a lot of debt and pirates tended to have a hell of a lot of treasure, so she wasn't really above outplaying an innocent bystander.

_Innocent bystander. _The Hokage snorted. That was now labeled 'Mistake The First.'

"Another hand," she growled obstinately. The older woman would swear to any and all higher powers from that day on that the girl's eyes had become some kind of currency sign. Strange. She hadn't known pirates could use transformation jutsu.

"Another hand," Nami agreed happily. Soon to be labeled 'Mistake The Second.'

Another hand and another loss, and she was now officially digging herself into a deep hole of debt. She was used to debt anyway, but just the fact that she'd been conned by this-this _infant_ was enough to irk her greatly.

"Nami-san, you're so beautiful in the throes of victory-!" And then there was the blond one, whose name she didn't really care to memorize. He seemed to be determined to master the fine art of annoyance by the time he was twenty. "Not that Tsunade-chan is any less beautiful! So calm, so brave and dignified-"

"Who the hell are you calling dignified?" She shouted, giving him a slap to the back of the head. "You think I'm so old that you're allowed to use that kind of word?"

"Of course not, my lovely Tsunade! I'm sorry if I offended you!"

He was a moron- a moron that loved swirling around like a ridiculous fanboy, polluting the air with cigarette smoke and little pink hearts. Because not only could pirates apparently use transformation jutsu, they had also taken up genjutsu as well. She really needed to make some notes in Konoha's reference books. Tsunade glared at him, which he seemed to take as some token of admiration because he was very suddenly attempting to shower her with unnecessary nourishment.

She ignored him and focused on showing this whelp a thing or two about real gambling.

By the time everyone on the ship had gathered for dinner (some half-dead, some half-asleep and many plotting painful demises), she had officially thrown in the towel and Nami had taken up the hefty task of calculating her latest gambling debt and presenting it to her with devious expectancy.

"I understand if you can't cover it all right away, Tsunade-sama," she said with the utmost seriousness. "So you can pay me back over time if you want."

"That's...very considerate of you."

The grin widened. "I'm glad you think so, too. And because you're such a good sport, I'll set your interest rate at only thirty percent."

Every jaw in the room dropped, though for different reasons.

"Th-_thirty percent?_" Tsunade stuttered, praying she'd heard wrong. "_Only _thirty percent?"

The green-haired swordsman glared at his crewmate. "Oi, how come she's getting off easy, you money-hungry hag?"

_He calls __**that **__getting off easy?_

A finely made shoe met the top of his skull. "How dare you insult the beautiful, gracious Nami-san, you bastard!"

"It's not an insult if it's the truth, target-brow!"

A very violent scuffle ensued, needless to say, before both young men randomly abandoned the effort and went back to the table without another word. Nami continued as though nothing had happened, as did the rest of the crew, while the ninja opted not to question it.

"I'm letting her off easy because it's not her fault she's got such bad luck," she informed the room in general with an air of superiority. "It's her karma as a woman."

"My karma." The Hokage deadpanned.

"Yes. Fate had to give you such terrible luck because Nature made you so well-endowed."

Sanji pranced about singing the praises of Nami's deductive skills. Zoro glared at anything that moved. Some of the group laughed uproariously, some of them looked ill and others acted as though this were a perfectly sane line of logic.

Tsunade decided that she would never again complain about the ninja of Konoha.

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_Thus ends Part Three._


	4. Luffy Versus Naruto

_I return again, with the utterly inevitable. The match-up you probably already knew you wanted._

_Disclaimer: Inserted._

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_Part Four: Luffy meets Naruto. _

Luffy met them on a random street in a random town, doing nothing of any particular interest whatsoever. In fact, he'd caught Team Seven (or at least three-fourths of it) in the very midst of using all their resources to stay _un_noticed. And had proceeded to immediately march up to the tallest of them.

His grin, being that he was a man made of rubber, quite literally stretched from ear to ear. "You're gonna join my crew!" He stated ecstatically, pointing at his initial selection. "We don't have a guy with an eyepatch yet."

"It's not an eyepatch-" It seemed that fate had decided not to grace Kakashi with a listening audience on this day, for his loud new acquaintance cut him off with little to no consideration for whatever he'd been about to say.

"Every pirate crew needs a guy with an eyepatch! But no hooks. Crocodile had a hook and it was stupid," the boy continued in a false attempt at being discreet. Many onlookers...well, the fact that there were onlookers at all went against his efforts, didn't they?

"Unfortunately, I'll have to turn down your offer," Kakashi said simply. "You could always ask Sasuke or Sakura here."

The two in question vowed that his death would be both slow and painful. Luffy turned to follow the man's very vague gesture. "Oh, were you here already?" He asked, scratching his head. With that, he turned back to their leader. "They're boring. You're not. So you're joining."

"Actually, I already said-"

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei, who's this guy?"

Luffy turned to greet the newcomer, only to stop with jaw agape. One could call it destiny, really. The first things to catch his notice were the bright colors. Yellow hair, orange jumpsuit- distracting, shiny and oh so fun. And then of course, there were the markings that looked like whiskers.

Eyepatch guy became a distant memory and Monkey D. Luffy came to the only logical conclusion. "You're going to join my pirate crew!" He declared. "We'll sail the Grand Line and find One Piece!"

"What? No way!"

Luffy looked genuinely put-out. "Why not?"

"I'm a ninja! I can't just abandon my friends and village to pursue a completely separate goal for years and just be forgotten about and then welcomed back with open arms!" In the background, Sasuke looked at the sky and attempted to whistle innocently while keeping his emotionless exterior. Sakura did her best to ignore the entire situation, as this conversation was clearly going somewhere very stupid very quickly.

"Oh is that all? Sure you can. That's what all my other nakama did."

"It's different for ninjas!" Naruto insisted furiously.

"Zoro's a swordsman and he's still my first mate AND he's going to be the greatest swordsman in the world. And Sanji's gonna find the All Blue but he's still my chef. So you can be Hokage after we find One Piece."

"Don't be stupid! Why the hell would I give up becoming Hokage just to help you and your weirdo crew find some stupid One Part?"

"Because it's _One Piece! _It's the greatest treasure of all time! When we find it, I'm gonna become King of the Pirates!" Luffy shouted, flailing in emphasis.

"So what? Being Hokage is _way_ better than becoming King of the Pirates!"

The captain's cheerful demeanor faded rather quickly. "No, Pirate King is better!"

Naruto stepped forward. "Hokage!"

Luffy stepped forward in turn. "Pirate King!"

"HOKAGE!"

Well, one can imagine where it went from there. The battle was bloody. Incredibly so. It was also drawn out and caused severe collateral damage. Histories were revealed, dreams were discussed and it left both of them lying in a hideous crater in the middle of the street more dead than anything. No winner was clearly determined, but that wasn't strictly necessary at the end of the day.

The next event was one of legend. Both of them dragged themselves up at the same time, stumbled towards each other and proceeded to sling an arm around the other's shoulders.

"LET'S BE BEST FRIENDS!" They cried enthusiastically.

"You don't have to join my crew right away! We'll just get you after you become Hokage!" Luffy informed Naruto dramatically, somewhat unaware of what he was even saying due to blood loss.

"Right! And then I'll help your sorry ass become Pirate King!"

Eyes narrowed sharply. "...who said you'd be Hokage before I became Pirate King?"

Well...you know what happened next. On the Thousand Sunny, Chopper was stricken with a sudden sense of medical foreboding.

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_-ending note here- _


	5. Chopper Versus Sakura

_I return, having triumphantly recovered from crossover writer's block._

_Disclaimer: Inserted._

_Part Five. Chopper and Sakura.

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The realization of the true potency of Chopper's medical senses came in the fractured forms of one Monkey D. Luffy and his newest acquaintance, Naruto Uzumaki. The two boys in question, who had been initially dumped on the deck of the Thousand Sunny like so many sacks of wet sand, could now be seen bleeding profusely on the floor of the infirmary. Their failed attempts to reach each other in order to continue a now-pointless battle did not go unnoticed, but were still ignored (to an extent).

There were, after all, a few more important things at hand than such feeble efforts. Like keeping them from bleeding to death, and keeping Nami from making Luffy's injuries worse by beating him up for staining her favorite carpet, and keeping that pink-haired girl from showing him up in front of his nakama.

But Chopper couldn't USE healing energy, damn it! He had bandages and needles and she had cherry blossoms on her side. They were even in her _name_-! What chance did medicine have against that?! Luffy let out some kind of indignant squawk and Chopper squeaked in response. Ah, and speaking of medicine, maybe he should have thought about painkillers...

Another one of Sakura's friend's wounds disappeared and he conveniently forgot about the comfort of his captain in favor of bandaging yet another mortally wounded area. Mortal wounds in Luffy-terms were like bad papercuts anyway. Chopper jabbed a needle into the nearest limb and looked up at the same time as the girl.

_Teach her to be such a showoff. _

Their gazes met.

Electricity crackled in the air.

She got the message.

Not twenty minutes later, both medics found themselves gasping for breath while their patients made valiant efforts to grasp exactly what had just happened. The bystanders, such as they were, could be found making various impressed noises- or maybe Chopper was just imagining those, because a lot of them seemed to need medical treatment, too. Moan of pain, murmur of encouragement, it was always so hard to differentiate under pressure.

Sakura looked over at him and smiled. "You're good," she acknowledged begrudgingly.

Chopper opened his mouth to return the sentiment, or maybe to make an inarticulate shriek before hiding behind Nami's legs, or maybe even to tell her that he certainly didn't need her compliments, the _moron, _but Luffy and Naruto seemed to decide that now was the opportune moment to start crawling back towards each other.

Luffy said something that couldn't be made out through his bandages. Naruto took great offense and flailed a bit in response.

Both began bleeding immediately.

Sakura was at the orange boy's side in an instant, but rather than healing his wounds again, she settled for a powerful punch to the back of the head. "STOP BLEEDING ALREADY, YOU MORON!"

Chopper dove for cover like his hero had taught him to do, because it turned out that it wasn't just Nami, _all girls were just that _scary.

Luffy's problem came back into notice a moment later in the form of great spurts of blood hitting the walls. And what was he, the ship's doctor, to do?

"WAH, LUFFY! HELP! DOCTOR, DOCTOR!"

As Nami's swift hand reminded him that he was, in fact, a doctor, Sakura made her way over to the captain with an exasperated roll of her eyes.

She had a feeling that her entire experience with these people would be filled with events such as these.

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_End. FINALLY._


End file.
